he two most important things you as a care giver can do are:

(a) Take time out to care for yourself and

(b) get help from others.

Care giving requires a large commitment of time, perhaps all of the extra time you have for yourself. If that happens, problems can develop. The best way to prevent the depression, frustration, and resentment that cause care giver burnout is to hold back some time for yourself.

It takes tremendous stamina, patience and love to be the care giver of a person whose mind is no longer functioning normally. All care givers must recognize that they are normal people with abnormal stresses. Few are strong enough to withstand this trial without painful emotions.

1. Care Giver's Bill of Rights

   I have the right:

   1. To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability to take better care of my loved one.
   2. To seek help from others even though my loved one may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.
   3. To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.
   4. To get angry, be depressed and express other difficult feelings occasionally.
   5. To reject any attempt by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.
   6. To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance for what I do from my loved one for as long as I offer these qualities in return.
   7. To take pride in what I an accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my loved one.
   8. To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my loved one no longer needs my full-time help.

1. Joining a Support Group

   Coping with the day-to-day problems and physical care of a person with Alzheimer's is both emotionally and physically draining. It's different from many other illnesses; and because the disease causes personality and behavioral changes in your loved one, you may find yourself feeling embarrassed, impatient, exhausted and even angry. But something happens when people who share similar situations get together, as in a Support Group. You have a lot of questions and you want more information. Since everyone in the group has "been there" or "is there" now, there is a sense of trust and understanding. You can believe and learn from others. It is important to find the right group. Many areas have several support groups; ask around for a group that has concerns similar to yours. Support groups aren't for everyone. Some people do not need the extra support these groups give. Others find it more comfortable to talk individually with a knowledgeable person. Before you decide you don't need to attend a support group, we urge you to try one a few times. The Carle Arbours' Alzheimer's Support Group meets at 7 p.m. on the second Tuesday of each month at The Arbours. For more information, call 383-3090.

   Alzheimers Care at the Arbours
   Caring for a Loved One with Alzheimer's
   Alzheimer's Intro Page